carson taylor: three months

when i realized i was pregnant i was thrilled by the thought of spending weeks at home and had several grandiose ideas of what i wanted to accomplish during my leave.  that’s my nature – as a ‘perpetual to-do lister.’ what i hadn’t accounted for was the overwhelming desire i had to do nothing.  nothing but cuddle with you, my sweet baby.  in the past few weeks, as my leave came to an end, you spent hours upon hours in my arms.  i gave you like a-bagillion kisses and hugs, read you so many books, and stayed awake for hours watching you sleep on the monitor next to our bed.  it was time well-spent. 

this past month has been a big one for you.  you celebrated christmas and new year’s, met cousin nathan for the first time, started sleeping in your crib 100%, started daycare, and attended your first iowa state basketball game.  unfortunately you also battled your first bout of pink eye (in both eyes).  it broke mommy’s heart but you honestly didn’t seem to mind much.  you also learned to blow bubbles, coo, hold small toys, and have started smiling when we make noises and funny faces.  interacting with you is the best!  the sweetest thing ever is when you sleep in my arms occasionally you'll crack a peek, see me and smile so big.  it simply melts my heart and I wonder what you're thinking.  you continue to grow and are nearly 12 pounds but forget about sleeping through the night! food is your favorite so waking consistently at 1 or 4 to eat is no big deal....for you.  mom and dad on the other hand are exhausted!  finally, fans and lights continue to attract your attention and you've grown accustomed to tugging on my hair when ever you are held. and i don't mind at all.  

maybe it's here that i should mention how smart you are!  you now react to the stories you are read by focusing on the pictures as we turn pages and have very recently started mimicking faces that mommy makes; super cute.  additionally you have now learned which bottle contains your acid reflux medicine and make it known that it's not your favorite.  since starting on your new medicine we've had to mix it with milk to get it down.  every time with enthusiasm and vigor you gulp down your medicine bottle only to pause a mere 60 seconds later to either a) crinkle your forehead as if to say 'hey, what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is this?!' or b) fake choke (true story!). 

allie continues to be fascinated, if not a bit jealous of you.  she'll sleep near you when we are all in the living room and if you flinch or moan she's the first to sniff you over, lick your ear, and rest her head on one of your small body parts.  but if she's tired and we are all upstairs she just lets out a loud sigh and rolls over.  

 funny moment of the month:  your seats!  good lord do babies have a lot of seats! at one point, not intentionally, all of your seats were in the living room...and not a one made you happy that day.  you just wanted held.  dad made sure to capture the chaos. (as a side note - we also find it ridiculous that one of your seats has a 5-point harness.  it just cracks us up - safety first!)

 here are your seats and other pictures from this past month.  

babyrazzi

on saturday we ventured out to take carson's three month baby pictures.  on sunday we had the proofs. yesterday we had the final edits.  

since that time i haven't quit looking at them!  libby did it again.  she so perfectly captured us in our parenting element and i continue to be impressed at how unexpectedly natural it has come.  parenting a child is probably the hardest thing we have ever done though the fact that we are parents really does not surprise me.  when i look at these pictures i not only see our beautiful baby but i'm reminded of the love that exists between cody and i in creating and caring for this little life.  i must never forget that these moments are fleeting.  someday he'll be a man. but, he'll forever be my baby.

thank you libby; you continue to amaze!

love without expectation - a hard lesson learned

not all that long ago i decided that i would begin to love without expectation.  it wasn’t a new years resolution – i started this journey months before.  while it’s a challenge i’m hoping it will leave me feeling more fulfilled and happy in the long-run. 

so why?!  when cody and i found out we were expecting we were elated; i more so than he.  he was in disbelief.  i had dreamt of what it would be like to share our news with family and friends for years and i expected that they would all welcome the news with overwhelming excitement and … tears.  ha! 

i work in human resources.  i handle employee relations and performance issues on the regular.  i operate in a world of clear expectations.  it’s the mantra i preach to our managers.  in my personal life i had subconsciously carried over those same standards for my closest family and friends.  i expected a specific level of performance if you will: i expect that you will show up for (important) events, i expect you will visit us X times in a given year, i expect that if we help you you’ll help us, if i post a picture i expect you to like it, and i expect that if i tell you we are expecting you will do a dance and maybe even cry a little – or at the very least you’ll tell us you are beyond overjoyed.  in having these expectations i had unnecessarily robbed myself of complete happiness.  after one particularly disappointing ‘we’re expecting’ experience i had a long conversation with my husband and decided to say sayonara to expectations.  

life after expectations:  it’s an incredibly difficult thing to ignore preconceived expectations.  (i mean, i still expect people to read this blog ;)) i haven’t mastered it but i try every. single. day.  it has certainly made a difference.  especially in the relationships of those i love.  i feel like i am enjoying life more because i’m living it for me.  i’m no longer focused on the actions or reactions of others which are out of my control.  it’s not that i don’t care or wouldn’t feel hurt, i have simply learned to look for the positive in all of my relationships and remind myself that i myself might not be meeting someone’s ‘expectation’.  had i learned this lesson earlier in life i may have saved myself from some  disappointment along the way.   

snow

not bad for a camara phone pic - me and my snow bunny (for a hot minute) 

how lucky are we that we live in a state that experiences all four seasons?!  while fall is most definitely my favorite the beautiful, scenic views that come with winter certainly make for stiff competition.  eager to wear my new winter hat (outside!) and play in the snow (if only for a few minutes) cody and i visited one of our favorite winter destinations – a local park where we have taken allie to run since she was just a pup.  this time carson joined but stayed in the car, maybe next year he can explore the snowy park.  after walking with allie we cruised around the lake, sipping our caffeinated vices; mine hot, his cold. 

i think she's showing off her new collar

the lake was full! 

still trying to decide - is this supposed to be an elk, deer or other animal?

my babies and i :)